"One might argue that complexity of mind militates against easily finding soulmates"__Alain de Botton

Isn't that true? There's some sense of truth in this. One doesn't always have to stay complex but, it seems, the more robust your personality, vocabulary and taste, the more often you put people off.

But it's not rocket science. You can still find someone who would like you, but it'll be really difficult.

My point exactly, if you have a sophisticated taste in lifestyle, personality, and vocabulary, finding a partner that might match that plateau will be difficult. But if you'd settle with someone else, then you'd have to succumb to acting normal for most cases.

PS: But Of Course There Are Obvious Exceptions (BOCTAOE).

Being monomaniacal means being obsessively or single-mindedly focused on one thing to the exclusion of others, often with an intensity that might appear abnormal or compulsive.

Now, the question is, “Am I a monomaniacal person? Is it wrong to be monomaniacal?” Nothing is wrong, in itself, if there was no commandments. But since there have to be commandments to make for order, some things are considered right or wrong. Sometimes, not objectively right or wrong, but contextually right or wrong. Situationally, also, as the case may be.

A monomaniacal commitment to something is what most people don’t have. But, at the same time, you have to understand what you can be monomaniacal about. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Meaning that you should be able to change your mind—with new insights—about a course of direction.

But if you can discover what you ought to spend your life on, typically every waking hour of your existence, then you could be said to have hit the jackpot. Too much is not achieved because most people do not stay long enough, maniacally, on a course of direction. They change not because of new information or fresh insight that they are on the wrong road, but because of the weakness of their resolve; sometimes because they reach the end of their tether.

Here’s my advice: if not for new information that only justifies you’re on the wrong path, for the long term, do not change. Stay maniacal. Stay monomaniacal. Once you discover the right path you should take, and you believe that’s the right path for you, stay there and deepen your roots.

It’s been a while. You know the song that says, ”Sticks and stones may break my bones, but….” I don’t know the other parts, but I think I’ll rephrase it to say, “but I’ll never give in.” Well, I almost gave in, forcefully. I pushed myself so much that I started having this headache that just refused to go away. Sleep. Deep sleep. Food. Paracetamol. The headache refused to go. Ah! This is now out of hand—something is wrong here. I had to tell myself that you just discovered your bodily limit. So…wisdom is profitable to direct.

Well, I visited the pharmacy shop. Got some drugs. And I’m slowing down a little—for a while. It’s always for a while. There’s no way my body is going to stop me from moving forward with my dreams. Well, what is even a dream? In the context of the Universe and Life, nothing makes any rational sense. Everything is but vanity. Wait…I said, “in the context of the Universe”. That is, if you compare the meaning of your life to that of the Universe, your life is meaningless. Nothing is worth pursuing; nothing is worth doing. In fact, you discover that nothing is worth pursuing. Just give all you have away and wait till the world ends.

But what if the world ends in 10 years’ time? Are you just going to sit idle and wait? You don’t have anything…well, because you gave all you had to the Church work; you distributed all your food to the poor. You decided living the ascetic lifestyle was the reasonable thing to do because “all is meaningless and vain”.

Sigh! Of course, all is vain…again, with respect to the Universe. But, with respect to yourself, your neighbours, your family, your loved ones, and the desires you might have…all is not vanity. All is an opportunity. An opportunity to feed yourself and your family, clothe and shelter yourself and your family. An opportunity to educate yourself and others. An opportunity to love, procreate with, nurture and support someone. An opportunity to support worthy projects with your strength, skills or money. It’s not vanity. It’s an opportunity.

Even if the world were ending in the next hour, I’d still love to have a drink, hug, kiss, work, speak to somebody, or do something I find meaningful. I won’t just sit and wait. What a wasted hour! The same goes for if the world might end in the next 10 or 50 or 100, or 1000 years. Are you just going to preach and evangelise to others all your life? I wouldn’t. I’d love to do something else while…I’m on that. I mean, “Lord, can I take a break and take my family out to dinner? A vacation? Honeymoon part-2?” Come on. I’m not in a hurry to leave the Earth. This is a great place to be. What’s the hurry? Touch somebody with your words, your love, your personality. Change somebody’s life. Build something that enables people to express themselves and show the world some version of themselves that hasn’t been seen before. Version they probably haven’t seen in themselves before. Come on! Stop the Ragnarök parade.

The world is ending. Is that news? Everything ends. (Though, this idea applies mostly if you’re saved. If you’re not saved, please GET SAVED. You’ve done sinful things, don’t kid yourself. Just tell God you’re sorry. You won’t die! Just say, “Lord, I’m sorry.” Say it like you mean it. I mean it. Say it now! Stop reading this and say it. You’re still reading…ah, ah, stop reading o jaré.)

I spent the major time of yesterday with a friend of mine. I should have visited her over the weekend, but I didn’t have the time. She reached out to me in the morning that I should come around. I was so tired (because I worked all through the night), but I just thought I should, it had been a while since we saw each other. And I knew I needed some time off from work.

After my devotion and prayers, I went. She’s one of those friends that I can be with and laugh out loud. We talked about so many things. She talked about her marriage, her two beautiful children, and some gossip (typical of a woman). I talked about my version of life, some updates, NYSC, and all that. (Talk less is my mantra.) It was just a fun time.

After our time, we went to her children’s school for a Parents-Teachers-Forum meeting (PTF). I suddenly became a dad. It was quite an interesting time to hear the concerns parents have about their children: complaints, suggestions to the school, inter-house sports plans, uniforms, teachers who discipline too much, and all the items on the long list of agenda discussed. It was fun to just sit and learn what it’s like to have a child and talk about how their education, character, and future are being shaped. You want to be defensive, protective, and nurturing. (It’s funny that most of the attendees were women. It was one of the reasons I was grateful to be there. I didn’t want to go because I thought it was already past 1 pm and I had not done anything work-related. I’m a workaholic, but I just decided to go. Dad must learn to make time for his children, I thought. And if not now, when? It was worth it.)

When I work, the satisfaction I feel is based on a promise. A hope of a future. A return. Well, when you work for someone else, it’s called remuneration, and when you work for yourself, it’s returns. Outsized returns are a consequence of the value of the kinds of problems you solve. And you solve these problems for people. A profound difference is discovered when you finally see how much transformation this solution of yours makes in people’s lives.

When I spent time with my friend discussing, when I went to the PTF meeting with her, and after the meeting, when we were outside waiting for her children to come out so we’d go back home, it was one of the most fulfilling things for me. Never has there been a time I was working that I felt that way. It was a surprise to her kids that I came, and when the younger girl came and hugged me, my heart was suddenly lifted. It was fulfilling. No programmatic solution I have come up with has given me such a feeling. Again, it was fulfilling. I went back home with an animated feel in my heart.

So…

I work really hard. And the journey is so exciting, quitting is madness. But what am I optimising for, REALLY? I guess the lives of the people transformed as a result of the solution one invents, and seeing that transformation change people is the most fulfilling part of the journey. Not the money; not the recognition. I have come to understand that, for me, seeing how Notes transforms people’s lives, and how they learn to express themselves deeply and vulnerably and allow AI to draw insights from their write-ups, give them feedback about how they think, teach them about themselves…the awe and delight in people’s lives as a result of this will be more intoxicating than the most grandiose of pleasures.

Finally, the lives that I get to co-author into this world, seeing them grow, nurturing them jealously, being there for them, teaching them how to drive, how to think, how to build, leading them to Christ…wow! My friend said she would give anything for her children. I guess why I work so hard shouldn’t be because of success or respect or recognition. Those things are okay. But, I guess, beyond the nobility in labour and the glory of my God and receiving the good of this world, it is for the lives within my bosom that will soon see the light. Thus, I remain inspired!

Selfish vs Selfless Living

As a man, you have to decide how selfish you have to be to achieve your goals. It’s not rocket science. There are trade-offs you have to make to achieve success or to get whatever you want in life. At certain stages of your life, you’d have to be selfish with your resources: time, money, presence, love, attention, affection, etc. Basically, anything commodity that is tradable for the accomplishment of your goals. (I don’t advise this for anything but, at some point, I limited the church meetings I could attend. They were too much and constantly coming—every single week. So, I told myself, for now, I don’t attend vigils, I don’t go for this program or that program: just normal week meetings and Sunday Services. Anything else, delete. For now. You don’t have to copy me!)

Influence & Mentorship

Patrick Bet David talked about deciding the people who have influence over your life. Decide who you listen to. Whose ideas have access to your minds? Whose philosophies can you learn from in adjusting yours? These are core decisions. I have this picture of all the people, so far, I have absorbed their ideas and lead my life based on their philosophies: Jesus Christ, Jensen Huang, Myles Munroe, Warren Buffett, John Rockefeller, Henry Ford, William Kumuyi, Seth Godin, Naval Ravikant, Simon Sinek, Morgan Housel, Richard Ajah, Jonathan Ive, Jim Rohn, Ken Robinson, Clayton Christenson, Steve Jobs, Norman Vincent Peale, Bob Proctor, and Elon Musk. I literally burn their ideas in my mind. On mentorship, you have to be careful who you let get in on your bus. Some people you will inspire, others will drag you down—even unintentionally.

Career Path

PBD had some profound ideas to share on finding a career path. He talked about talent, interests, and contacts. You have to identify these things and play with them. These things take time. It takes time to understand what your career will be. You don’t want to rush it. For me, I realised that I like talking and I like building things and people. Mehn! I can talk you into purpose. I love to build people. It’s impossible for me and you to have frivolous conversations. If we manage to, it was you—never me. (And I’ll wipe you off my contact list after that day.) I love to build people. And I also discovered that I’m one of the most persevering people on planet Earth. If I find something or someone I believe in, it’s almost impossible for me to quit on those things or that person. It’s impossible. I can work on one project for more than a decade—if I believe enough in it and trust it’s the right thing to do. Can you guess how long I’ve been working on Netintui? Since 2016. Unless I hear a direct message from God—Himself—that I should stop, nothing can deter me. I’ll do it or die!!!

Marriage & Fatherhood

PBD shares that concerning marriage, you have to consider values, temperament, personality, pace, support, and kids. Personally, I need a woman who shares similar spiritual, philosophical and life values with me. Someone whose temperament and personality can complement mine. I like a feminine woman. I want a woman who can run at a similar pace to me, especially mentally and in risk tolerance. I’m definitely going to get married to a Christian woman, and most of them are from conservative homes and have issues with shame and their sexuality. As a result, frankly, I like a secure woman; a woman who is not ashamed of her sexuality nor of wielding it for purpose. One of my earnest desires is to grow with my wife-to-be. To start with her from today, be friends, build together, learn from each other, and we grow together till we get married. To teach her many things: many young girls are so insecure and struggle with shame, it drives me nuts. (And I don’t want to leave that to luck or to “If God wills”. I like to live life more bullish, sometimes. It is God’s will. I’m on the search, man!) Children? Minimum of 3; maximum is for her to decide, if she has the strength to push. (I’ll be by her side, of course. And the gender is not within my power, so I don’t have to trouble myself about it.) And I want the best life for my kids. They will have access to the best technologies, and travel and explore the world. Their mind needs to be intercultural. They need to be able to speak more than two international languages. English and Chinese? A must. I have great plans for my kids!

Purpose & Dreams

I have these 5 core items on my dream list before I clock 30. Dream lists are intoxicating things to have. They are like fuel. You look at them every day, or every week and just stay pumped. “That’s where we’re going, brother. Keep at it.”

Where to Live

You have to consider where you live. Some people who can change your life are not found everywhere. There are places they like to gather. You can find them once in a while in local environments, but it helps to go where they congregate. David Ogilvy once said, “A blind pig can sometimes find truffles, but it helps to know that they are found in oak forests.” Move to the oak forests, especially in the early sections of your life and career. For security, for opportunities, for finding a life partner, for discovering ideas, for education, for commerce, for spirituality and faith, for everything you can’t find where you currently are, MOVE! The answer to your prayer might be in your moving.

Okay. I hope this helps. Remember, I can’t tell you how to live your life. That is ultimately your decision. But ensure you own the outcome of those decisions. See you at the top. (I have attached the video to this Note. Hope you enjoy it.)

I saw the movie Tick, Tick…BOOM! Again. It speaks a lot to me.

The movie speaks to me about passion, ambition, money, love, and dreams. Jonathan was a pretty talented guy. I mean, the guy was amazing. He was having a conversation with a friend and his friend flaunted his credential of being in finance, and they asked him what he did, and he said, “I’m the future of musical theatre, Scott” Cockly, but he’s got flesh!

But talent needs exposure. Talent needs someone who can believe in you. Not just mom and dad, but someone with the capacity to push your dreams forward. Someone who can back you up, and put your name forward.

This is the life.

I saw a video on Threads by Marc Andreessen. And it was about the transition that Steve Jobs went through from the moment he was fired from Apple in 1985—the company he started with his friend, Wozniak—to when he came back in 1997. Those 10 - 12 years were a period of self-discovery and entrepreneurial exploration for Steve. He started NeXT and also invested in Pixar Animation Studios. He learned to be a better CEO; to be a better manager; to be a better human being, altogether. It was a great turnaround for him, preparing him to lead Apple when he returned.

When I think of turnarounds, they puzzle me a little. It’s the experiences we have that lead us to become the kind of person we’re supposed to become. The failures, the disappointments, the setbacks, the mistakes, the confrontations and all the challenges that prevented us from moving forward. Naval suggested that we don’t have to think about these things to dwell on them; we do it to learn from them. “Where did I get it wrong? How can I learn from that? Why did I indulge in that? What might I do better next time?” And this exercise can be really helpful if you can trick your brain and teach it how to learn.

Mehn, I’ve made some mistakes. Stupid mistakes. And there’s this weird trait where I torture people in explanation. If someone doesn’t get why I did something, I’ll just torture them in the exegesis of the rationale behind what I did. (I’ve had some people complain about it, especially young ladies.) It’s funny, my aunt told me the other day to not act in such a way that I push women away from me. Not just women, actually, even people who work with me might find me atypical. I’ve come to not permit second-class in myself and in the people around me. I guess if I were in Silicon Valley or a challenging environment, it wouldn’t have been a problem.

You know what…truly, some part of me is refusing to change because I think that this trait might help me in achieving extraordinary things. And I do not have to repair myself to be acceptable to some people. The other thing on my mind is that I only allow myself to change for the people whom I care most about—and that’s my family: my mom and siblings. (I’m not married yet. “We got that on the record.”) But I haven’t lived with my family for more than 2 years now. They don’t have an idea of who I am now. I’m literally floating. I’m not in an intimate or romantic relationship that I’d gauge my craziness with. And the people around me now are not primary to my formulaic pecking order context. Something like, “Joshua, if this person is complaining”, then it’s a problem, “you have to change such behaviour”. And I used to be in one, but she probably got wearied by my intensity, and she politely requested to leave. I respected that. So, it’s a confluence of events. I have to move forward, and I have to gauge myself by my progress towards the tomorrow I envision and by my relationship with God. By Him, what is right and what’s not right? What’s worthy and what’s not worthy? Well, that has always been the case.

But I’m learning. I’m growing. And I am not confused. (I’m too resourced to be confused.) I’m writing this because I want to. It’s a log, not a blog. A portfolio of my personal journey. And I switched the public button on because I’m the founder of Notes, and I need to teach the people what it’s for. It’s for the ideas you can’t say on other social media platforms. It’s a space to share more deeply. More vulnerably. Your space to explore yourself. (I know I’ll probably puke reading this six months from now. But, it’s okay.)

So, what’s the lesson? Sorry to offend you, there’s none off of my head right now. Just pick whatever you can. I can’t teach you what to learn.

(You know, one time, I thought that if I have a Collection on Notes that’s just for me and whoever, and I post something in there every day. We both get notifications whenever anyone posts something in the Collection. We can get to read and track how our day is going, what we’re thinking about, our inner monologue, our challenges, the things we’re struggling with, etc. It’ll be so fun. When we finally meet to talk, we won’t have to explain much, just to draw from each other’s notes and ponder on it a little. So cool. I can’t wait to add that feature.) In case you haven’t noticed, I’m building notes for me. And hopefully, someone else might like it too. I guess you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. That’s it. (I embedded a video of someone who asked Steve what he’s learned. From his reply, if you knew Steve, you know he had grown.)

This used to be my famous quips: I love, and I am loved. (Though it’s different from what I want to talk about now.) I want to talk about the inspiration of being in love and being loved. And this is not about romantic love, it’s about that and something different.

When you're in love with someone, it is a more thrilling and exciting feeling compared to when you’re being loved by someone else. When you're loved by someone, if you don’t consider things much, you might likely dismiss the person or push them away. But when you are the one in love with someone, that feeling inspires and stimulates you into actions you might not normally—or rationally—take. You’d find yourself being more empathetic, benevolent, and merciful than you’d have been.

I said once that a man in love is one of the most ridiculous human beings you can ever find. And some people almost ate me for lunch. But it’s true. And it’s the same for a woman in love. Being in love animates your life. Some people suggest that there are dark tendencies in people that they might not be aware are in their character until certain situations dig them out. If that’s true, then there is much good inside of people that situations can also stir. And one of those situations is being in love. (In Proverbs 30:19, Agur talks about the things that baffled him, and one of such is, “the way of a man with a maid.” This man needs CCTV on his every movement and his thoughts.)

But like I said, this isn’t particularly about being in love in a romantic sense, which would require a man and a woman. I have been in love with a boy before. At that time, I thought I was gay. I just was in love with the guy. He was my colleague in secondary school. It was like our souls were knitted together. (Like David and Jonathan. It was powerful.) But we’re no longer close again, perhaps now because we live different lifestyles. It makes you want to think about the kinds of things that can break oneness. That’s a topic for a different note.

My Point Exactly…

Being in love with someone invests in your emotions and in your spirit to be inspired to take serviceable actions. You’d find yourself in activities that you know will end up serving the other person: reading books, watching helpful videos, praying more, and asking questions. Growing, generally. You feel an obligation to serve—in a way that’s not superficial. But when you’re the one being loved, and you’re the one being served, sometimes it gets yucky—most especially if you feel you don’t deserve it; if you feel the pressure to reciprocate or try to explain yourself for not doing much of what is expected by the other person.

Often, some people in love with you do not need anything back. That’s not true, actually. Every human being can notice unreciprocated love. Such feedback is akin to saying good morning and expecting the other person to respond. If they don’t, your mind begins to think what might be wrong, or you can just dismiss it (for your mental peace) and leave the person to their issues. But everyone craves a response. Your parents do—for all the investments they have poured into you—even though they love you unconditionally, and supposedly want ‘nothing back’. Your secret admirer expects you to notice they are admiring you. And on, and on. We are humans. We crave connection. And if you’re a woman, you crave validation. And you can get that primarily from either God, your family, your friends or your spouse. Generally, the people you love and respect. Unless you’re a priest or priestess, just expect it from God. But if you’re not, you will care about what your family, friends, and especially your spouse think about you. If you’re in love, you will care.

That said, being in love is super great. I know you want to know if I’m in love. (AhAhAh…let me hear word. I know you want to know.) Well, I don’t like to talk about my personal life. And I’m not writing this for you, I’m writing this for myself. “Yeah, yeah…so, are you in love, Joshua?” Well, I prefer being in love because of the utility it offers me to become a better person and care for somebody else, beyond the superficial. And right now, I would prefer to be in love. I want to be in love. I think it’s a great experience. But I can’t…because I’m human. I crave response. (That’s all I can say.) But I also have this ‘disease’ of being too intense. Too forward. Too direct. Perhaps, uppity. I can be very demanding. If I find someone is bad at communicating, my first instinct is to recommend a book or a course. Some people find that annoying, intrusive, or condescending. Even if I say, “Can I recommend a book?” They still find it annoying. So, I hope I find a woman who can tolerate me. I did, but…I think I was too intense. Long story. I don’t crave such experience; neither am I optimising my life to find someone. I just pursue my purpose and trust in God to do His thing. (The dating pool is sufficiently large to find someone special, because I’m special.)

Hi everyone,

So, you can now schedule Notes. And I’m super excited for it.

Check it out. Try it. Reach out if anything goes sideways. And we’ll fix ‘em as soon as possible.

Once again, I’m really grateful for this opportunity to create something remarkable like Notes, and to you for trying it out.

Check it out and tell us what you think.

I love the definition of vulnerability that Chris Williamson shared in his podcast with Matthew McConaughey. He said, “Vulnerability is saying your truth, in spite of the consequences, especially when they are scary.”

“I’ll be damned!!” McConaughey replied. I love that.

You know, I made a mistake. And I just discovered that practising the commandments of greatness: intensity, hardwork, and all that stuff, requires wisdom when you’re dealing with people who are personal to your life. Mehn, you can’t push those people away by being too intense and serious. It will affect you. Their presence make your life glee. If they go, you'll feel. (When my dad died, I had nightmares for days. I would lie down and be screaming. One of those nights Holy Spirit came physically to my room, I woke up and told Him calmly, “Go. Leave me alone.” He had to now change His comforting to within—in my heart. Physical did not work.) I tell you, if they leave you, you'll feel it. It might be temporal, but you'll feel it.

Once, I remember I told my sister I wanted to do something. (It was a grandiose goal.) She looked at me and said, “Okay.” My-oh-my! That single statement put me off balance. “Doesn’t she trust that I can do it? Am I not up to the task?” Questions ran through my mind. Of course, I was much younger…and naive. But regardless, family, friends, especially the ones you love and care for, they can unsettle or define if you’re happy or not.

I know…I can be quite impatient with myself and with people. I’m seriously tired right now, and I ought to sleep but I have a calendar to write something before the end of today. And regardless of how worn-out I feel, I have to do it. And with such mindset and work ethic, when people around me don’t match up to my intensity, I just slam them. I move too fast. I ask too direct questions. I don’t give them the opportunity to grow and be vulnerable enough to catch up with me. I’m sorry. My mistake. I have learned.

Have I changed? I'm not sure. Maybe, after I've taken care of my material goals. But I'm more aware. I'm more patient. I'm more sensitive. The rules have to be applied with wisdom when dealing with loved ones, family and friends.

Sigh!! Let me sleep. I’ll feel better in the morning—if Jesus tarries. Thus, you better repent, if you haven't. (I have added the Chris and Williamson short to this note. Hope you enjoy it.)

One of my elder brothers in Christendom would look at me and ask, “How are you?” I would reply, “I’m okay. Thank God for everything.” He would wait a few seconds and ask again, “How are you, really?” I would sigh…wait for a moment, smirk for a bit, and say something close to, “I’ll be fine.”

Frankly, I don’t know what the definition of “fine” is. Since 2013, when I discovered books, dreams and goals, I’ve not been myself. I’ve not had “rest”. I don’t even know how to define “rest”. From one book to the other, from one course to the other, from one documentary movie, biography or explainer video to another. Learning and building.

I remember the first day I encountered Steve Jobs. It was in 2013 when they premiered the movie advert on television. I watched the ad with so much awe. I asked my elder sister, Uche, “Who is he?” And she said he was the founder of Apple, the makers of iPhone and the rest. Since then, I have not been normal. I was infected with a dis-ease called greatness. Oh, I miss my ignorance. I never knew how difficult it would be. But I still love it.

“Joshua, how are you, really?” Well, I can’t complain. This is what I signed up for. I hurt everywhere—even in my heart. It’s never easy to be great. Significance is supposed to be hard. It’s why we’d need help; we’d need leverage; we’d need friends; we’d need love, because it’s really difficult. I can make mistakes. But I’ll pick myself up; I’ll put one foot in front of the other. I’ll try again. I won’t be bitter. I won’t be ashamed. I won’t be afraid.

My concept of divine help in the pursuit of greatness is that a large chunk of the work for greatness has already been paid for by Christ. I don’t really have to work hard to change the world. Christ has already changed the world, and I only have to plug my vision into His and enjoy the ride. My ride, unique to my destiny.

I’m going back to my days of ignorance. I’m starting over. I’m starting afresh. I have a God who loves me unconditionally. I have a family that loves me so much. I love me. I’m in love with me. I trust me. I believe in me.

Remember, I’m the happy man. Nothing can touch me. Not failure; not disappointment; not devils or demons; not delay; not fear; not rejection; not lack or abundance; not sin. All things have been conquered by my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I am in Him and He in me. I am invincible. I am unstoppable. I am a success. I am happy. And when I’m done making a difference in the world, I’ll go to Heaven. That’s my destiny—the end of the happy man.

I have never met anyone in my life by chance. Never. There's never been anyone I met by luck. Do I believe in luck? I’m not so sure. I used to. But I changed my mind long ago. I believe in utilitarianism. That’s been the basis of my philosophy for now. Will it always remain the same? Of course not. I’m not that stupid!

But really, everyone in my life: past, current, passing, and future, I have never, I never, and will never meet anyone by chance. I am not insinuating that I actively contributed to meeting them in all calculations. No. Some of the meetings I’ve had, I never planned them, but my being there was planned. My being there was a conscious, decisive or instinctive choice. I was there, in the flesh. (You are either present or not present. And my point is that presence contributes to “luck”.)

Why is this important? It depends on who you are. And it depends on your own context. Your location, personality, beauty, demeanour, carriage, your voice, your interests and passions, values, etc., have a lot to do with who gets interested in meeting, helping you or even receiving help from you. (Am I making sense?)

For example, there are people you have met that I have not met. Suppose I were in that same location, at that particular time, having a similar attitude as yours or better, perhaps with same gender, similar stories you shared or better, and with enough courage to speak up. In that case, the possibility of me connecting with that same person is very high. Since I lack these contexts, I will never meet this person in my entire lifetime—unless we both create our own context at a different point in the future.

What’s the likelihood of you meeting somebody that might change your life? It’s not exactly dumb luck. Like I said, I have refused to believe that. You can start by changing the simplest thing that is within your power: location. Move to a location where those kinds of people generally gather. Knowing that, start building the capacity that will naturally connect you with that person on a visceral level (if it’s a friendship or a relationship you desire to build) or a structural level, like business (if that’s the kind of relationship you desire.) It’d be stupid for me to meet Aliko Dangote and start discussing philosophy. You discuss products. Companies. But if I see a beautiful young lady and perhaps we connect on a visceral level, then it’d make sense to go on a date and try to know them better. If I see a smart young man with high integrity, high energy and high intelligence, like myself, and if we share similar passions, it’d only make sense to see if we could be business partners.

Location. That’s your first capital of control. It’s a no-brainer that the best place to meet Christians is in the Church. En masse, usually at camp meetings. I mean, you could meet them on the bus to work. But you want to reduce the approximation of such a possibility by going where they would gather. This should be common sense. You have to start living by objectivity.

Thank you for your time.

I often quip that one of the hardest things for people is self-expression. Most people do not know how to express themselves. They find it difficult to articulate what, how or why of most things about their lives. It's even more difficult for some of us to sensibly describe the sensations of our feelings. We know what feels good and what doesn't but it takes skill to develop the vocabulary to paint in others’ minds—even ours—the things that move us.

The kind of pain I felt last night was easily close to nothing I've ever felt for years now. It was so excruciating that I was unable to think clearly. I was likewise unable to sleep. My aunt helped me with so many things she could find around; from crude oil to heat balm to zetgel etc. (I even drank some crude oil—with her speculation that it helps dilute poison. Seriously?) Still, the pain was still there. Touching the spot, even lightly, and I'll reflexively jolt away. Past 1am, I was still struggling with the pain. I tried to distract myself with movies, but the pain was prevalent in my mind.

One thought came to me that if that was what hell felt like, I never want to be there. It was an unending loop of painful pulls and strains at my join muscles.

I finally took ibuprofen and the pain subsided, and I found a window to sleep. That peace felt like finding Jesus. I slept hanging the part that was hurting me in a way my expressiveness while sleeping would not annoy it.

Reaching out to a friend who is a pharmacist (much thanks), I got some drugs to buy. My aunt massaged the living daylight out of the joint this morning. Oh oh oh! Yikes. Men don't cry. Hold the tears, young man. (Only God has that privilege.)

Now, I feel much better. It still hurts but not as excruciating. I still have massage therapy this evening, and tomorrow morning before Sunday Service.

I appreciate the diversity of human expertise. Some of us are good with understanding the human body, and others are good the human mind, others computing technology, etc. My pride has been now been dissolved to only see my clan of expertise as those on the top echelon of human progress. What's progress without sound health. If you hurt anywhere, it can affect your entire sanity, and your 100GB RAM GPU computer will be no help. Neither will ChatGPT massage your body. It can offer advice, but it won't go to kitchen and bring you ice for your pain or give you a kiss for your emotional comfort. I've learned. Humans are epic.

When people call you cocky, narcissistic or perhaps proud, what is your offence? Maybe you think too highly of yourself. Or maybe, you just have a developed consciousness of your identity, and some people find that intimidating. Maybe! In most cases, when people request you to be more demure, it’s because of the latter.

But I don’t care. Even writing this, someone might think I’m probably full of myself. Beloved, you have to be full of yourself! Most people don’t care about you the way you think they do. There’s something called the Hierarchy of Responsibility. You are usually at the bottom of most people’s hierarchy, whether they put you there consciously or instinctively. My advice for you is to be conscious of your own hierarchy. It’s like a pecking order in the human allocation of care and love. Newsflash, you’re very low on most people’s order.

A young girl-friend of mine told me she was struggling to understand me. I was wondering why I would feel obligated to make her understand me given the definition of our relationship did not warrant such level of intimacy. I told her that there are five categories of people in my life I work hard to keep their love, respect, and friendship:

• My God,

• wife and children (or whoever I might be in a relationship with and I envision to get married to),

• mom and sibling,

• very close relatives and friends,

• business partners, clients and customers

Every other person, I care very little. (No offence to anyone. I just don’t care.)

I hope she didn’t find it caustic. She’s a good girl. And brilliant also. (I guess that’s why we’re friends in the first place.) I just have a developed consciousness to identify the areas of my life I want to excel and just brutally ignore everything else. I might hurt myself. I might hurt some people. It’s fine. I will apologise to make you feel good but, unless it’s objectively necessary, I won’t muffle my developed consciousness just to fit yours. (Which means I might offend you again. Oops!)

BUT, I can tolerate things with the persona of being a mentor. I can do that. But that should be defined in the relationship. It has to be defined openly. If you don’t define it and you approach me on the level of equal, you better be maniacal.

Life is scary enough. We have to optimise our love and energy in the direction where they matter most. You would be vain to think you can tolerate everybody. You’ll just be a nobody. You’ll be an idiot, and you won’t be respected. Even God doesn’t tolerate sloths. There’s a reason he hired people like Paul. Before the man repented, he was a doer. He was passionate for something—even if it was wrong. There’s no sloth in Heaven. Don’t just sit there and pray all day wishing everything will just fall into place, and Prince Charming will come rescue you. If you’re a woman, have superior values and keep to them. It’ll build your self-esteem. And it’s more seductive than your beauty and the undulating contours of your feminine physique—at least, to men like me. If you’re a man…be a man like Jesus. It was inappropriate for a man to call himself God, but Jesus did. That was cocky. But He knew who He was: He was God! You better know who you are in Christ; who you are in destiny. You better know, and live up to your standards. Seek pain, and have dominion over it. ✌️